Heal a Broken Heart
Is it possible to heal a broken heart after cheating? Being cheated on is one of the worst things feelings in the world. Trust me I’ve been there. After an affair, a relationship can get pretty complicated, and your life can feel as if it’s been turned upside down.
Love, in particular, can host a great variety of emotions, but in some cases, it can destroy your confidence. After being cheated on, it can be quite difficult to get over heartbreak and recover to a state of who you used to be.
Many often take love for granted. They don’t take enough time to appreciate what they have until it’s too late. Love can provide feelings and emotions that overwhelm you to the point of exhaustion and jadedness.
But at the same time, it can invigorate your very being and remind you what being alive is all about. The same sentiments that fill you with joy can sometimes transition into indifference and detachment.
For a certain amount of time, you build love and trust around the many intimate moments that comprise a relationship. This lays a solid foundation that shapes your identity and forms the basis for who you are as a person.
Whether it’s love from a friend, a family member, or a significant other, love gives meaning to your life.
Love helps you stay grounded when you begin to stray off course. It provides support and a safe space to return to. But most of all, it allows you to share the life you live with those you care about.
This interaction gives you a greater reason and purpose for being. Love is a core pillar in being human, and it is one of the major elements that make life worth living. To heal a broken heart, you must first acknowledge that love can be everchanging. In this case, you must be able to adapt and recognize what to do after an affair.
Cheating Can Be Devastating
The unfortunate thing is love can sometimes be swept up from under your feet when you least expect it. This aftermath can be spiritually destructive and quite literally flip your world upside down.
After the initial reactions of waterworks, vehement word vomit, and spiteful gossip to close friends, you might sit and wallow in isolation, betrayal, and indignation.
Your heart gets broken, and you are left to try and make sense of what went wrong.
A broken heart can arise from several different situations. Cheating, however, seems to be the number one cause of a broken heart, and rightfully so. It is a downright betrayal of trust and confidence.
Prioritizing one’s pleasure over another’s emotional state of feelings can leave a damaging wake in the aftermath. This kind of shock and trauma can take years to recover from depending on the individual’s emotional and mental health as well as the length and depth of a relationship. In extreme cases, some people never learn to trust again.
After an Affair
Just because you’re trying to heal a broken heart now does not mean it will remain broken forever. Time will heal your pain, and your heart will learn to accept this fact. Once you do this, you will soon be on the mend towards a better future. Being cheated on sucks, but it is often a reality most will face in their lifetime.
The truth is that life is not always made up of euphoric moments and elated bliss. This could not be more true than when it comes to love. Life can take a turn for the worse at any moment, and it’s imperative to know how to deal with this kind of trauma.
I want to bring this to your attention because many shut down these boiling emotions. They let them build up inside instead of confronting them head-on. Masking your pain may feel like the right approach, but it causes a lot more damage than we realize.
If you don’t start by accepting the situation and making choices that help you move past such adversity, the weight of the pain will stack up and eventually callous over. This makes it much more difficult to move on and let go of that anger and resentment.
By doing this, you are essentially numbing your emotions into a catatonic-like state. This response does not heal a broken heart nor does it allow you to grow and learn from cheating.
Trust me, you don’t want to hold onto that kind of anguish. Your life is worth more than grudges and bad breakups. If you can’t deal with the situation properly, you will inevitably carry those bitter feelings into any future relationships you may have. No one deserves that.
Likely, that relationship won’t last either because future partners will pick up on the resentment you still harbor from past wrongdoings. If you’re still holding onto that pain, you’re not ready for another relationship. You need to work on yourself first. This is especially true after an affair.
Sometimes you need to give up something toxic for something beautiful.
How Cheating Begins
So let’s start with the concept of cheating.
I firmly believe that cheating derives from a sense of boredom and a lack of passion in the relationship.
If your relationship starts to wilt, the idea of an exciting new romance may start to creep into your mind. This could be because your current relationship is not satisfying you in some way.
Something appears to be lacking, and perhaps a fling is the solution. You may feel as if some void needs to be filled for you to be happy again.
Now there are three choices one can make when something like this arises. You can either:
A) Communicate with your partner about the lack of excitement between the two of you. You can try and work things out by exploring new passions or interests in hopes that it will bring life back into the relationship.
B) Acknowledge that the relationship is no longer of mutual interest. At this point, you both can politely go your separate ways before any hurtful choices are made.
C) Give in to the temptation and cheat on your partner while keeping a closed mouth about the entire thing. Act as if nothing is seriously wrong between the two of you all the while trying to keep the relationship intact.
Anger and Denial
Now after you find out you’ve been cheated on, you typically react one of two ways.
If it is someone you have just taken a small, particular interest in – one who you haven’t dated extensively, haven’t connected with, or reached a deeper level of understanding with, you usually just cut things off and be done with that person.
In a fit of rage and indignant outcry, you might tell them to fuck off. You may feel some very mild pain, but it won’t be anything substantial.
Soon enough, you will end up forgetting that person within a very short amount of time. You will continue to go about your life without much thought to the injustice you just went through. The lack of depth in the relationship makes this experience less traumatic.
The tricky situation occurs when you’ve built up something with someone close to you over many years. You have memorized all their favorite movies, they get all your little inside jokes, and they understand the parts of you that not many others do.
They bring you coffee in the morning, take care of you when you’re sick, and hold heart-to-heart conversations that explore the vast regions of your thought-provoking mind.
Everything seems perfect, but one day…you find out you were being cheated on. And the hard-knocking question presents itself – what do you do?
Do you cut things off and throw away the last few years of trust, memories, and a future you thought was with them? Or do you take them back while sacrificing your dignity and peace of mind?
The Decision to Stay or Leave
From the perspective of someone on the outside, the decision is simple: leave them. They don’t deserve you if they’re willing to put you through that pain. Time to pack up shop and move on. You will find someone better who does deserve you.
However, this decision is much more difficult for the individual who is experiencing the initial shock of the incident. How do you get over heartbreak in this situation?
When given a choice between emotion and logic, most people default to their emotional responses. In this case, you decide to give them another chance and try to brush this distressing matter under the rug.
You may try to convince yourself that they weren’t in their right mind, that they’ll change, and of course, they promised never to betray your trust again. Buying into this pretense is a huge oversight for your confidence and for the relationship itself moving forward.
Most people may entertain this thought of excusing infidelity because their significant other begins to profess their undying love and swears it was just a big mistake.
They claim that they are still the same person you knew and fell in love with. That they never changed and they never really meant to cheat on you or hurt you.
Some claim, “It just happened.” The deception seems plausible at first, but unfortunately, that’s not how cheating works.
Cheating doesn’t just happen in a fiery romantic evening. It happens over many countless hours of deliberation and assessing the ramifications of how such a decision will play out as well as the risks of getting caught with it.
People Choose Not To Cheat Daily
The truth about cheating is that almost everyone wants to do it on some level. And you don’t cheat by deciding against doing it every single day. This is just a result of the condition of being human.
You are biologically programmed to want to cheat for reproductive purposes. And no matter how advanced our society becomes, the primal nature of prolonging your species will always be there.
Just give it some thought, how many times a day do you see an attractive or unattractive individual and you start to sort them into categories of “would sleep with”, “would not sleep with”, “potential relationship”, “creep”, “friend-zoned” ect.
The list goes on and on, and this is completely normal for human beings. It’s in our biological wiring just as it’s in the genetic makeup of other animals to seek a mate to reproduce.
This labeling of people isn’t only limited to random passersby on the street either. How many people do you have in your life that you place in specific “absolutely do not hang out with”, “avoid like the plague”, and “control yourself around him/her” categories?
What about that one co-worker who incessantly showers you with compliments even though you’re not even in your best attire and you’re sweating your ass off like a greasy pig?
Or those attractive friends from college who you continue to ignore because you know nothing good is ever going to come from it even if you just try to be friends.
Every day you resist the need to intimately associate yourself with these people. You avoid the dangers and consequences that come along with cheating, and I want to congratulate you on that! You’re an honest and loyal person.
Unfortunately, your partner did not uphold or maintain those same morals you did when they came across these same thoughts. See unlike you, they gave in to these poisonous ideas, thinking what they were doing wasn’t that harmless.
The Progression of Cheating
It starts with the little, seemingly innocuous decisions that slowly build up to that final resolution of actually acting on that impulse. In the end, emotion usually wins over logic in these scenarios. Let’s use an example of how this can occur.
It can begin with giving a coworker you find attractive your number so you can text one another, but only about work-related things. And maybe the occasional inside jokes, but it’s not anything physical or serious, so it’s okay right?…haha…
Then it progresses to making small inappropriate jokes at work, but that’s all in good fun because everyone else there does the same thing, so it shouldn’t be a problem right? haha…
Then it moves to offer that same co-worker rides home from work because it’s late and they don’t have any other means of transportation to make it home. One might think they’re just being a good friend and helping a coworker in need. And…you can see where this is going right?
It’s a slow transition from cheating is not okay to eventually, why not? You see, it’s these little decisions that begin to accumulate over time which primes the thought of actually going through with cheating that begins to justify it.
Just getting coffee with a friend who you find sexually attractive can turn into “Well, what’s the harm in a few drinks?” After inhibitions are down following a few tequila shots, most virtues go right out the window, and our primal instincts kick in.
Maybe your partner never consciously thought of, “Well, it’s time to cheat on my perfect relationship.” But the fact of the matter is that they ignored the voice of reason in their head and decided to give in to the need for some thrill-seeking sexual adventure.
You might think your partner just slipped up once, and that may be a rare case for some people, but the reality is that cheaters tend to remain that way. They will continue to repeat these same patterns throughout most of their lives. It’s difficult to heal a broken heart if you believe it will change. As the saying goes, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.”
Rebuilding Trust is Impossible
I know this is a very cold, hard truth, but you should not even consider giving them another chance. The reason is that this shows a loss of dignity and respect for yourself as a person.
You’re proving to this person that you’re so easily forgiving of this bad behavior. If that’s the case, what’s going to stop them from committing the same indiscretion over and over again?
If they have the assurance that you will stick by them no matter what, it makes it that much easier for them to cheat again. Save yourself some integrity and walk away from the relationship. You don’t deserve someone willing to break your trust so easily and wreck your world.
Trust is broken so easily, but it takes years to cultivate and build up. Once you solidify your trust in someone and they decide to break it, it rarely can achieve the same faith as it once did, especially in the case of cheaters.
If you do decide to believe the waterworks and agonizing pleas, you will constantly be looking back over your shoulder wondering, “What are they doing right now? Are they really at home? Who are they texting or talking to at this moment? Who’s this new person they added on Facebook?” The list of what-if scenarios is endless.
That is no way to live your life – in constant paranoia. You deserve a truly honest and transparent relationship with someone who won’t betray your loyalty; someone who actually gives you the respect that you deserve. If you want to get over heartbreak, you need to walk away.
Learn From the Relationship and Move On
Don’t try to pick up the broken pieces of what has already been shattered. If this person was willing to cause you so much pain without thinking twice about how such a decision would make you feel, they didn’t love you as much as they claimed. They were selfish and were only thinking of how that decision was going to benefit them.
Relish in the good memories the two of you had, but never forget the pain they caused you. This will help heal a broken heart. Once you have moved on, forgive them and let go of any malicious feelings toward that person.
After all, we all are human, and all of us make mistakes. Take it from someone who has seen it up close and personal as well as lived it.
Living your life with past grudges and ill will towards others will ultimately come back and reflect on your quality of life and well-being.
Harboring these feelings will insidiously bleed into other romantic relationships you take a chance on. Learn from the experience, but don’t take the paranoia with you.
Accept it as is, watch for the warning signs, but don’t be neurotic and actively seek fault in potential new love interests. Just because one relationship went bad doesn’t mean you should let that spoil your chances for future romance.
I’ve forgiven my ex for what she did to me, and I refuse to let that ruin my perspective on love. This perhaps, is the state all of us can hope to strive for. When you forgive someone who has done you a terrible wrong,
You not only show maturity in the type of person you are, but you also free yourself from those chains that might drag you down from advancing to the next step in life you are meant to take.
If not for them, do it for yourself and move on. You deserve better, and you will find it. Focus on yourself and what you love. You will eventually heal. I promise.
