Giving Up Your Dream
Dreams can be funny things, and giving up your dream can be a difficult decision for most. If you invested a lot of time and energy into your dreams, it may feel like a waste. So at what point do you make a change? Maybe you should give up on your dreams, or maybe you should keep going. Let me tell you my story and what I’ve learned. By the end, you’ll be able to make your decision.
Not all of your dreams will remain with you as you break away from old patterns of thinking. Your dreams will change as you grow and find new passions that excite you.
Likely, you won’t be the same person ten years from now as you are today. As new information finds you, certain professions and ventures won’t seem as fulfilling as they once did.
And other endeavors will draw you in with curiosity and the promise of a lifestyle that better fits your vision.
A dream can morph and change, and I want to tell you that it is completely normal. The dream you had as a kid may no longer be relevant, but it did play an important role in your development. In this case, giving up your dream might be the very thing you need to do to change your life for the better.
My Childhood Dream Is Born
I once had lofty goals of becoming a famous touring rockstar destined for greatness. It was a dream that resonated with me for the great majority of my life growing up. And it consumed every waking thought as I was transitioning into the person I am today.
When I first became introduced to music, I was in the sixth grade. My mom signed me up for piano lessons at the local music shop, and I reluctantly agreed. To be honest, I hated those lessons. (Sorry Mom).
The drudgery of sitting at my piano and practicing Hot Cross Buns was excruciating. As a middle schooler, it shouldn’t be hard to imagine why those weekly lessons bored me to death.
I was a young kid and found no passion in learning insipid nursery rhymes. All I wanted to do was play video games and go exploring in the woods with my friends.
Then came high school and the gradual exposure to pop-punk bands. I saw these young, cool bands composing songs that spoke to a younger crowd, and I yearned for that adulation.
The angst of that music reignited my passion, but this time, I wanted to play the guitar and sing.
I wanted to jam out and be a rockstar. That didn’t include sitting at a piano and playing When the Saints Go Marching In. Shortly after picking up the guitar, I came across a few guys through a mutual friend.
We began pouring our hearts and souls into writing music. We wanted so badly to become famous and show the world our talents.
The First Impression Was My Dream
Our four-piece alternative rock band titled The First Impression came to life. We played many shows together, shared unforgettable moments, and put everything we had into the music we were creating.
We had big goals and a burning passion for a dream that sadly never came to fruition. But the impact that music would have on me stemmed from that very first project.
Shortly after high school, we each went our separate ways in 2013. Dreams can change and they had for most of us at the time. I, however, still had the vision to complete a full-length album. It took a while to get over the initial shock of going at it alone and acting as a one-man band.
But I finally summoned up the courage and tackled the challenge of writing songs again in 2015.
Let me tell you…the task was NO minor feat. It ended up taking a lot of time, dedication, and focus on my end. Many nights were spent writing alone in my room.
I had to process my emotions so they could be incorporated into songs that others could truly identify with.
Tackling Your Dreams Alone
While most of my close friends were out enjoying their weekends off, I locked myself up in my room. I was fine-tuning my songs to something I could proudly claim was 100% straight from the heart.
I wanted to make certain that none of these songs were going to end up like another Top-40 hit either.
One of my core beliefs when it comes to writing music is that it has to maintain some grounded authenticity. It needs to exude honest expression. Songs have to tell a story.
They can’t just be rehashed, cliched material that is created for the sole purpose of “blowing up.” I didn’t want my album to just ride the mainstream wave to popularity but wanted it to empathize with people. I was writing it out of passion not just out of motivation for monetary compensation. It was my dream to connect with others through song.
With this core value in mind, I compiled 10 songs using a simple studio app on my iPhone. Yeah, you heard that right. I used a freakin’ iPhone!
Home Among Strangers
It was a very tedious process. If I made one simple mistake on any of the tracks, I had to retake that instrument as a whole. There wasn’t any way I could go back into the track and splice out the mistake by itself.
Once I had one instrument down to a somewhat workable take, I then moved on to the next instrument.
I practiced playing with the recording until I found a part that fit well with the rest of the song. I would repeat this process with the next instrument until I wrote all the guitar and piano sections.
Once I had these four instruments solid, I contacted my former drummer Chris. I needed help on the percussive sections since I had no clue how to play the drums whatsoever. He happily agreed to help, and the writing process continued.
After getting ahold of Chris, we began diligently practicing along with the demo recordings of the songs. We had to find some solid beats that would lay the foundation work for the tracks.
We both discussed appropriate stops, fills, and rhythmic beats to underlay the songs. Within five months or so, we found what we were looking for.
Following this, I started shopping around for recording studios to lay down some high-quality recordings that were within my budget.
Eventually, I came across Metro 37 Studios in May 2016. And in the summer of 2018, I completed the album Home Among Strangers. My lifelong dream seemed to finally be within reach.
Dreams Can Change
So… then what? Am I living my rockstar fantasy? Well, not exactly. Dreams can change and they did with me shortly after finishing this album. Music no longer spoke to me as it once did. So was it all for nothing?
A lot happened in my life over those past few years that turned my life inward. From a bad breakup, moving out of my hometown, and cutting out a lot of people from my life who weren’t good for me, I was, for lack of a better term, lost.
I needed to take a step back in order to find solace in all the chaos and commotion that enveloped my external world.
In essence, I felt as if I was experiencing a quarter-life crisis. My whole world had turned upside down. I felt as if I needed to take some time to be with myself and figure out what was going on internally.
Everything I dreamed of and wanted for the past few years no longer sparked the excitement it once had. Something was wrong, and I had to figure out exactly what that something was.
Trying to make sense of it all, I needed to get more in touch with my spiritual side. I started practicing meditation regularly, reading numerous self-development books, and overall just focusing on becoming the best version of myself.
I wanted to center myself and figure out what it was that I truly wanted out of life.
Deciding the next direction my life was meant to take became paramount. It was a tiresome and grueling process. But I started finding peace and clarity towards the end of this seemingly never-ending tunnel.
It’s Okay to Give Up On Your Dreams
After much introspection, I realized pursuing music as a long-term career no longer resonated with the person I was evolving into. Not to say I don’t enjoy playing and writing music anymore because I truly do.
However, I believe the extent and influence of what I could do with my music were on a much smaller scale than what I could accomplish with the other skills I had been recently focusing on in my life.
The lifestyle of a touring musician didn’t seem to fit the ideal life that I wanted anymore. Music was no longer my true calling and life purpose. It was a dream I had to let go.
I finally understood the highest personal value in my life I wanted to attain was a lifestyle of complete freedom. Traveling the world and experiencing all this life has to offer without being tied to one stationary location became the goal.
I wanted to take my skills on the road, work remotely, and learn about and experience other cultures. Empathizing with them, and seeing what they could teach me sounded much more enticing.
I also wanted to help others who were struggling in the same pursuit of finding themselves as I once did. I wanted to learn from others and give back in hopes it could help those in a similar place that I had been. This new vision became the life I now wanted to embrace.
The old dream of living like a rockstar no longer resonated with me. And that is why I experienced this inner conflict. I kept trying to convince myself that this previous vision of mine was what I ultimately wanted out of life.
I persisted in trying to force it when, deep down, I knew it was no longer for me.
Inspiring Others to Follow Their Dream
I poured my heart and soul into what I thought I wanted. But no matter how much I tried to mask what my gut was telling me to pursue, I just couldn’t persuade myself to follow a path I was no longer made for.
My life purpose, I felt, was to inspire others to follow their dream. I wanted to show others the possibilities of what life has to offer.
To show it was possible without living the conventional lifestyle society tries to persuade us to conform to. I wanted to prove that giving up your dream, in a sense could lead to something so much more.
Long gone was the old musical paradise I envisioned in my mind back in my early teens. I had found a greater mission to serve – one that was focused on others rather than my own selfish desires.
While this post pains me to accept what I’m giving up after all of the initial energy I had invested thus far. It also brings me great relief. I am no longer fighting myself on what I truly want out of life.
It’s a bittersweet taste with a polished ending. But I know the ensuing journey ahead of me will be much more full of passion, purpose, and fulfillment for both myself and others. Let me clarify again that it’s perfectly acceptable to give up on your dreams if they no longer bring you joy.
If you are caught somewhere in a rut like I was, let me advise you to BE SELFISH! Too often today our society shuns the idea of being selfish and stigmatizes it to the point of resentment.
I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to take time for yourself. It’s okay to be selfish. Some people may think it’s disparaging to take care of yourself first before considering others. But I completely disagree with this idea.
Without first caring for your own well-being, you cannot even begin to hope to serve others to the best of your abilities.
Focus On You
Focus on becoming the best possible version of yourself, and you will be able to bring that much more value to the world. Whether it’s taking off on a trip around the world, quitting that job you detest so much, moving across the country to start a new beginning, or just cutting out friends, family, or lovers who only seem to fill your life with negativity.
BE SELFISH! You need to be selfish first to selflessly serve others. If you aren’t happy with yourself, how can you ever hope to make anyone else happy?
Another reason I hadn’t quit pursuing this musical endeavor was that I knew so many people were counting on me. And they had been for so many years.
That was a tough thing for me to confront, but I needed to be selfish. I needed to do what I believed was best for me to contribute more to others.
Some might prod me with questions like, “Don’t you regret wasting all of that time on something you’re giving up?”
“What about all that money and energy you invested?”
“What if you could have been the next big thing?” I don’t regret pursuing this album AT ALL. Let me make that very clear.
I’m happy I completed my album because I accomplished a feat, not many people can say they have. I will probably continue writing music and recording it somewhere down the road as more of a hobby.
But it’s no longer going to be the central pillar and focus of my life.
It’s okay to give up on your dreams to embrace new ones. It shouldn’t be frowned upon either. How can you ever hope to allow serendipity to enter your life without first shedding the weight of what you’ve been carrying from the past?
I’m not giving up on dreams entirely. I’m just taking a step in a better direction – one that is more in sync with my spirit and soul.
Pay Attention to Your Heart
And I implore you to follow your heart. Do what gives you great fulfillment in life no matter how crazy it may seem. We all deserve that much for ourselves.
Give up the things that no longer serve you and start pivoting in the direction you feel is meant for you. It’ll be hard to do at first. A lot of these things have subconsciously become part of your being and who you identify with as an individual.
Face them head-on and really do some soul-searching for yourself.
There’s a passage about listening to our hearts in the book “The Alchemist,” by Paulo Coehlo. It describes perfectly why we should listen to our hearts and what happens to each of us in life as we grow older.
[“Everyone on earth has a treasure that awaits him,” his heart said. “We, people’s hearts, seldom say much about those treasures, because people no longer want to go in search of them.
We speak of them only to children. Later, we simply let life proceed, in its own direction, toward its own fate. But, unfortunately, very few follow the path laid out for them—the path to their destinies, and to happiness.
Most people see the world as a threatening place, and, because they do, the world turns out indeed, to be a threatening place.
“So, we, their hearts, speak more and more softly. We never stop speaking out, but we begin to hope that our words won’t be heard: we don’t want people to suffer because they don’t follow their hearts.”
“Why don’t people’s hearts tell them to continue to follow their dreams?” the boy asked the alchemist. “Because that’s what makes a heart suffer most, and hearts don’t like to suffer.”
From then on, the boy understood his heart. He asked it, please, never to stop speaking to him. He asked that, when he wandered far from his dreams, his heart press him and sound the alarm. The boy swore that every time he heard the alarm, he would heed its message.”]
If more of us listened to our intuition and our hearts, the world would indeed be a much happier place. There are a lot of benefits to following your heart, and more people should heed its call.
Unfortunately, it’s a very sad fact of life that most of us don’t listen to our hearts. And the older we get, the fainter the call to our destiny becomes.
My Next Adventure
So for my next big venture – this online blog, which focuses on thought-provoking life topics, making travel a priority, and unconventional living. There’s also an emphasis on taking back control of your own life and embracing it on your own terms.
Not on the terms that society expects of you. This blog is going to be full of valuable knowledge and techniques that anyone can learn and begin implementing with a bit of patience, dedication, and due diligence. I couldn’t be happier making this shift either.
I’ve been playing with this idea for a long time. Although it’s still in the beginning stages of implementation, it’s going to be revolutionary and life-changing for many who want to break free from the rat race.
As you can see, sometimes it is necessary to leave old dreams behind in order to embrace new paths that can lead to something even better.
It shouldn’t be seen as a failure either. Everything that has played out in your life thus far has served a purpose. And music has served its purpose for me and will always continue to do so. It shouldn’t be viewed as the end either, but the beginning of something new and wonderful.
So if you’re considering making a career change, a new life pursuit, or even a fresh start, I advise you to listen to your heart and heed its calling. Give up on your dreams if you feel they are no longer right for you.
You will never regret following that itch and even if things don’t pan out exactly how you thought, it will always lead you to the next step in your journey.
In hindsight, you will be able to piece the puzzle together and make sense of everything that has happened to you. Always trust your instincts and never stray from your heart. Here’s to the many dreams that will come your way.
